According to measures drawn up by our friendly, neighbourhood Prime Minister, pornography is now outlawed. Yes, that’s right. Pornography is no longer a completely free choice in Great Britain. As of October this year, if you want to indulge in a bit of a skin flick whilst your wife or your husband is out at work or your parents are busy discussing how to encourage their perpetually masturbating twenty something child to grow up and get a job – you’re going to have to pre-inform the authorities.
Now, if you have any shred of intelligence in that lovely brain of yours – the warning sirens should be going off.
This is Great Britain, for God’s sake! We’re a nation of people that pretend to be desperately embarrassed about sex but deep down we’re some of the filthiest of them all. We push boundaries! We take barriers and we elegantly dismantle them because we’re British and that’s what we do. That’s why Bill Hicks loved it here. That’s why Vivienne Westwood was able to open a shop called ‘Sex’ in the middle of London in the 80’s and not get lynch-mobbed. Did you see that Channel 4 documentary about doggers? What about Michael Winterbottom’s sexual epic ‘9 Songs?’
We’re a nation of fuckers, doggers, shaggers and filth-mongers. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Forcing consumers to ‘sign up’ to porn is absolutely not on. What a way to demonise decent, law abiding people who occasionally get their kicks on the net.
‘Excuse me sir, can I have some porn? I’ve been indulging in X rated material since I was 13 years old and I’ve never hurt a fly but I now realise that I should be monitored just in case.’
It hurts me personally to think of the damage a ruling like this could cause. The collective sexuality of a society is a strange and fickle thing – it takes decades of gentle coaxing before it’ll pop its head above the parapet and breathe the fresh air. In Britain, sex hasn’t been free for all that long – a hundred years maybe and by ‘free’ I only mean that you’re not shamed in the street anymore if you’re a fan of the quick and casual shag. We’ve still got a long way to go before we get to a place where we can all indulge our natural urges without the mores of society intervening.
And we were doing so well, too. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there.
Apparently, possessing online pornography that depicts portrayals of rape will also be entirely illegal. This is in order to protect our children, apparently.
The key word there is ‘portrayals’ no? Depicts not actual rape but pretend rape. Like pretend stealing or pretend murder. You can’t arrest people for pretending. Surely, you can’t make pretending illegal. If you can, then I want to see pretty much every movie ever made banned and made entirely illegal. I mean, just look at all of those pretend murders.
You can’t make rape FANTASY porn illegal! Regardless of whether you personally understand, condone or agree with it – it’s pretend! It’s two emotionally healthy, consenting people, for whatever reason, indulging in a fantasy scenario based on power. There are a hundred and one different reasons why a person might want to watch a fantasy rape scene.
Not all of them are good – that much is immutable. There are always going to be people who watch this type of pornography because they actively enjoy the subjugation and dominion of women – both in their fantasies and in their real life. Those people aren’t the best among us but as long as they stick to pretend rape that has been filmed in a studio by two paid, consenting professionals – there has been no crime committed.
And what about all of the healthy, hearty couples out there that do get off on playing with power? What of those people? People who put their suits on every day and go off to an uninspiring job in which they deliver uninspiring orders to an uninspiring workforce. People who like to go home and pretend – pretend rape, pretend humiliation, pretend power, it doesn’t matter. If those people are emotionally robust enough to make their own fully informed choices – why the hell does anyone else, let alone a legal institution, have any right at all to tell them to stop?
Whilst we’re at it – let’s stamp out the BDSM crowd too, huh? And those people that get off on being choked. In fact, let’s deal with people who like being dominated, people who like being electrified, people who like being stood on by sharp stilettos, people who like pissing on each other, people who go to the toilet on glass coffee tables, people who get turned on by food, people who have sex in their cars, people who like glory hole sex, people who visit underground bondage clubs, people with medical fetishes, people with uniform fetishes, people who have orgies, people who swing, people who use needles and ropes, people who like to spank and be spanked, people who like to cause pain and people who love to receive it.
Just because you don’t understand it – doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Wrong is when you hurt somebody who doesn’t want to be hurt. Wrong is when you know full well that the word ‘stop’ means stop but you continue anyway. Wrong is thinking that real and make believe are the same thing.
Making people opt in to pornography is just another way of inviting people to opt in to being monitored. Why? Well, because they’re human and they can’t help it. Because they indulge in the primal urges that drive us all to continue working and fucking and living.
What a bunch of weirdos, eh?
What do you think? Is David Cameron right to make consumers opt in to internet pornography?